She always used to say, “You never know whether we will eventually end up to be together.” Maybe that line is what kept me alive. I would always be on edge because of the irresolution of fate. Starting from the first few blinks in the morning till the last memory before sleep every day I would be timorous. Clouds of pessimistic thoughts would smother me every single moment. And then, I would doubt myself like a hypocrite, and be uncertain about whether we actually will end up together.
“Just give me six years. We’ll graduate. Together. We’ll get jobs. Together. We will establish ourselves. Together. We’ll marry. Together.”
“Like together as in to each other or to different people?”
“So you have someone else in mind?” I would joke about it.
I was not the only one who was insecure. She would often think that I would someday not find her appealing enough. She was worried that there might be a time where I will get tired of her covetous attitude, and curse destiny for making me fall for her. She would often worry that she would hurt me, and I would blame it all on myself. How silly. Little did she know that I fell in love with her in overall, not just her looks or character.
“Are you okay?” she would ask me when I would remain silent on the phone while sorting out our problems.
That silly didn’t know how it lit my sky with stars full of joy because every time she called me by my name, it melted my heart.
Then there were the three characters who came in. Happiness. Success. Love.
It was like one of those meters where we couldn’t equally balance these three characters in our life so that when we prioritized one, the other two fell back. Just with the blink of an eye, six years passed. Meanwhile we knew each other better. It’s never about stepping on the upper step by doing things. It’s always about knowing each other. That’s what love is about. None of us are lucky enough to know a person completely; there’s always more. It’s like an adventure. An adventure where two people are part time lovers, and all time best friends. It’s an adventure where six years might seem long, but life is too short to enjoy that adventure completely.
As I was stating, those six years passed real quick. Within these six years, we just chose love. Success and happiness followed. I still laugh at myself for thinking how insecure I was for being so pessimistic. I have found my answers. We always tend to complicate things. We always think that we have this huge responsibility that we need to fulfill by following a routine and keeping the other one happy. There is no routine in love. There’s just knowing.
I’m waiting for her to get up as the sunlight is about to hit her face. She’s asleep. We have a small house with two huskies and a small sedan. Six years did seem like a million decades, but now I ask myself, “Why is life so short?”