I try my best to start an article on “Toruni” without a monologue every time, but it’s really difficult when I’ve noticed such interesting conversations regarding what girls’ appearance and attitude should be like to fit their perception of “sophisticated”, “elegant” women. But that’s not what I’m going to talk about on this particular occasion – because it’s worse.
If you’ve been on social media for a fairly long time and are a regular user, I’m sure you’re well aware of the entertaining game that people like to play – defining women by putting them up against each other. Here, people take the liberty of making comments like, “You’re so much better than her. She’s always wearing such ‘provocative clothes’.” “Natural beauty is the best beauty. Which girl can still claim that she has never plucked her eyebrows, or get her nails done?” You see, when I read these, I want to throw my phone out of the 4th floor, but I can’t keep doing that for every sexist person who pollutes my newsfeed. So, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about the trendy topic: I Am/She Is Not Like ‘Most’ Girls.
What I fail to understand is, why “most” is being used in such a derogatory sense. Like you’re trying to tell me that girls wearing clothes of their choice that they bought with their own money (yes, sadly you didn’t pay for anything, which technically nullifies your opinion; but here we are, aren’t we?), getting a manicure, taking care of themselves, simply doing what they want to do is them overdoing it to gain your acknowledgment? See, that is where it doesn’t add up. Why would she do it all just to fit the pathetic mold of the society that would still find a flaw in her no matter how hard she tried? It’s not just the men, some women are finding this a “fun” thing as well. Yes, I am talking to you – every one of you that ever posted things like – “Omg! Am I the only girl who can’t do makeup?” “Makeup to na, jeno plaster.” “Get a girl who will focus on you, not spend hours on getting ready.” “She’s not like other girls. She doesn’t need fillers, extensions, or heels to look good.” First of all, it’s 2020 and if you still have that opinion, you’re problematic. But let me attempt to enlighten you.
You can’t prove yourself superior by pinning women against each other. You can’t declare you’re better by competing against other women. Stop creating problems where there simply is none. Just because your idea of the “perfect” girl doesn’t fit every single female on the planet, don’t bring the entire community down by your stale concepts. This goes for men and women alike. Sister, you’re not doing anyone a favor by not knowing how to do makeup. You don’t deserve to be put high on a pedestal just because you can work your magic in the kitchen while the other girl can’t. Brother, when you voice your opinions on how women should act so they can be considered respectable in your eyes, you make sensible people realize that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. Respecting women, respecting humans should come from the inside – if you’re only respecting women you like, or on your own conditions, that’s a sham.
If you’re wondering why I’m doing personal attacks when you only came here for a little read, don’t worry – the people who actually hold such opinions are fully aware that I’m attacking them.
Okay, so I will stop being aggressive and just give my honest thoughts now. Every time I have felt self-conscious about myself, there was always some women who would bring me up. If you go to the comment section of any girl’s photo, you are likely to see a lot of positive comments from her female friends or relatives. Now, your shallow-minded thoughts may limit you to thinking that they’re being fake, but it’s mostly because strong women know how to appreciate the other women, and because we truly admire each other’s beauty, resilience, and power. Women supporting women is the most wholesome thing on the planet. Don’t think I’m neglecting the males! Some men I’ve known are bigger feminists then I could ever be – they’re supportive, open-minded, and know-how to mind their business. If you’re a man who’s ever been indulged in these things, I have a request for you. You wouldn’t necessarily understand the amount of bashing a woman has to go through her entire life because the society is too blind to appreciate her for how she is, but you could play your part by not pinning them against each other for fun. They aren’t here to please you, or meet all your expectations. Women didn’t agree to this sort of apathetic, meaningless, most importantly, demeaning competition. If you’re going to tell me something like – “I’m glad you’re not like that girl. She has too many opinions/has too many followers on IG/wears too much makeup,” I will tell you that I would love to be as vocal as her, as interesting as her, or as talented as her. And even if I couldn’t, I would tip my hats to her for being the incredible woman she is. Because she deserves it.
What’s an article from me without a pop-culture reference, eh? So, as Hailee Steinfield amazingly voiced,
“Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful
Most girls, work hard, go far, we are unstoppable
Most girls, our fight to make every day
No two are the same
I wanna be like, I wanna be like, most girls.”
Here’s a link to the empowering and catchy song that I think everyone should listen to.